The last two weeks have been filled from morning to night with things to be done, things ticked off a never ending list that gets longer instead of shorter. One thing develops into another thing and then branches into others, all of which have equal importance. The days do not have enough hours and I definitely don’t have the energy to accomplish even half of what seemingly needs to be done.
I am in doing mode; a human doing and not a human being. And yet now and again I have managed to stop and remember that I can stop, if I choose, if only for a few moments. Sometimes for only a few seconds.
During all of this time I have been looking after a sick cat, a neighbour’s cat who has chosen me as her carer. Some days she has been better, some days worse, and because she is suffering I have been suffering too, and this morning in the middle of cleaning and feeding and coaxing and comforting, and tidying and sweeping and thinking about all the things on the list that need to be done I found myself for a moment gazing at the window. Reflections on the dirty glass (add that to the list – clean windows) and outside, the morning sunlight catching stone, leaf, and blades of grass.
I could let my gaze rest on the window pane and see the dust, the smears, the smudges and the dirt. I did this for a moment, but smiled as I realised what I was doing. I let my eyes focus further and looked out into the sunshine beyond, let go of everything for a few seconds and sighed. And smiled some more.