Sign

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Capritx, pronounced capreech; the Catalan word for caprice, or whim.

How tempting it would be to put those inviting little wheels to use and do a quick bit of rearranging, on a whim, to spell – what?

Taxcrip sounds as if it ought to mean something; Catprix and Craptix are dubiously suggestive. Patricx could be a name. My favourite is Pixcrat; it sounds like a  diminutive, petty, small town official with self-inflated ideas.

I like rearranging. Recycling, using what’s already there – there’s something creatively satisfying about it, more enjoyable than starting from scratch with a blank page. These days I rearrange thoughts. Cranky, negative, anxiety-stirring ideas that pop up unasked and unwelcome. I observe them bobbing about, agitating for my attention and smile because once I’ve recognised them for what they are – just thoughts, not real – I can rearrange them, play with them, even laugh at them because often they are ridiculous. Its better than trying to banish them because they won’t be banished, they’re too resilient, they bob up again like corks in water and trying to be fierce or stoical or determined just wastes a lot of energy. So I deal lightly with them; it feels kinder and seems to work.

I look for signs that help me tread lightly and to smile, and they’re everywhere when you start to look and think this way. Some people do it naturally but I never did; I’m learning it as I go.

Capritx. I like it as it is. It’s a good sign.

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4 thoughts on “Sign

  1. You write so honestly and put into words things that we recognise but can’t always articulate. I love the image of corks bobbing up like unhelpful thoughts … what a relief, it’s not just me then?!

    1. Oh goodness, no, I mean it’s everyone isn’t it? I’m sure it must be – and I don’t somehow imagine that the image of corks bobbing up is my original idea – though I don’t remember if it isn’t. But I do find it reassuring that there’s so much we humans all have in common, never mind how different we may think we are on the surface!

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